Never Let Me Go
by silentskeptics
Summary: Kirra has a terrible secret and life,until she moves in with the Olds family.Things are looking up.But then her foster brother goes off to war,leaving her haunted with dreams of horrid things happening to him but are they real? vampires,family force 5
1. I'll Miss You

**Author's note: Hey everybody! New fan fiction haha. I'm sorry this chapter is so long but you gotta start up the story! I hope you like it and I hope it doesn't sound cheesy at all, because sometimes vampire stories are hard to write convincingly. **

My name is Kirra. I'm seventeen years old and my life is a living hell.

I have no idea who my biological parents are but what I do know is that they were vampires. Most people think I'm lying but I'm not. To prove it, I'm one of them too.

I've been with four foster families in my life and the first three found out my terrible secret. The family I'm with now doesn't, only because I've learned to control myself. Plus, the invention of synthetic blood helps significantly. It's my first glimmer of hope of living a normal life.

The synthetic blood is easy to get your hands on, now that vampires are becoming more of a common occurrence. Vampires have realized that they can turn others into one of them by biting them but they can also mate, such as in my case.

My second glimmer of hope is my current foster family, the Olds family. I've never exactly felt love for others before but I'm almost certain that what I feel for them is love. Mrs. Olds is the only mother out of all my foster homes that I actually call Mom, same for Mr. Olds.

The Olds boys, Solomon, Jacob, and Josh, are my best friends. I could probably trust them with my life.

This supportive, fun-loving family is just what I need.

But now Jacob is going and ruining my chances as living a normal teenage life with a normal family.

Why does he have to go to war? And in two days! He just got back from Basic Training and now he's being shipped off again.

We're having a farewell dinner for him, consisting of his favorite southern foods: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans cooked with bacon, a few other small side dishes, and peanut butter pie for dessert.

"Gosh, I'm gonna miss your cooking, Mom," Jacob says in his southern drawl. It's no wonder _I _haven't started speaking with a drawl too. "I'm gonna miss this house and I'm gonna miss being here in Georgia."

As he speaks he glances around the dining room's pale yellow walls, vaulted ceiling, large bay window, antique china cabinet, and twinkling chandelier. I can almost see the memories of this house playing in his mind.

"Well, we're gonna miss you," Mom says matter-o-factly.

"You know what I'm gonna miss?" Solomon, the eldest brother, asks. He licks the last bit of pie off his fork before speaking. "I'm gonna miss comin' home from college and seein' you and how you randomly sing when you talk and how you help Josh and I with our hair because we're so clueless." He chuckles, and fingers the choppy, black hair that Crouton had cut for him. "Oh, and I'm gonna miss our band."

"Family Force 5," Jacob sighs.

"Yep," Solomon says and claps him on the back. "I love you, bro. You're gonna make this country proud, and before you even turn twenty!"

"Thanks, Soul Glow Activatur," he says, using Solomon's nickname. "I'm gonna do my best."

"You're welcome, Crouton. I bet you will. Fatty?" He looks straight across the table at Josh. "What will you miss about Jacob?"

Josh scratches at the stubble on his chin in thought. "I'm gonna miss sharing a room with my twin brother."

Jacob smirks, surprised. He usually doesn't look too much like Josh's twin but when he makes that face, they look exactly the same. "Really? I thought you'd be happy with the room to yourself."

"Maybe on the first night, but then it would get lonely. I guess I'm just used to your snoring."

Jacob rolls his eyes. "Oh, shut up." He crumples up his napkin and throws it across the table at his twin. It hits Josh in the face and then lands on his shoulder, partially hidden beneath his long, brown hair.

Josh jumps up and reaches across the table, making like he's going to smack Jacob on the face. He doesn't, and everyone knows he wouldn't, but Jacob flinches all the same.

"Boys," Dad chides playfully. "I'll tell you what; I might just miss you guys horsing around all the time. I can't believe you're leaving."

"I'm gonna miss my baby," Mom croaks, holding back tears. She leans over and pats his shoulder feebly.

I swallow a lump of peanut butter filling and whipped cream then clear my throat. My family looks at me expectantly. I feel the need to show Jacob how much I'll miss him, no matter how ignorant I am to expressing love. I decide to just speak from the heart.

"I'm going to miss you practicing your drums at ungodly hours and your singing. I'll miss you and Josh teaming up on me. I'll miss you teaching me how to play videogames. I'll miss seeing you at school and working on homework with you and sitting across from you at dinner and…and…" I had kept my eyes down, looking at the lacy tablecloth the whole time. My throat feels thick. I finally look up into Jacob's eyes as I finish. "Out of all the families I've been with, this one feels sincere and real and it kills me to lose a member of that."

Tears bubble at the corners of Jacob's eyes. I hear the rest of the family sniffling. Their reactions make my own tears break loose, coming down my cheeks in torrents.

"You're not loosing me, Kirra. I'll be back soon," Jacob chokes out.

"I-I know," I whimper, "but…" I'm not able to get the words out. I push my plate away and rest my head on the table, sobbing. After an awkward silence, I hear plates and silverware clinking and chairs scooting. They want to give me a moment alone and I'm thankful.

As they pass, they each pat my shoulder sympathetically. The room steadily grows quiet. The sound is now in the kitchen just down the hall. It's quiet and I know I'm alone now.

Until someone strokes my hair.

I peek out through the curtain my black hair has formed around my face. Jacob is sitting next to me now. The sad look on his face makes me cry all over again. He pulls me into a tight embrace. I lay my head on his chest and stain his shirt with salty tears.

"Be careful, okay?" I tell him once my fit has died down. "I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."

"I will; I promise," he murmurs into my hair.

"Good," I sniff.

I feel him swallow. "Kirra?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

I hesitate. "I…I love you too." The words sound foreign. I've never said them to anyone, not any of my foster families, not even to Nick, my best friend. I feel a pang of sadness for that boy back in Massachusetts; I miss him. I push the thought away; this isn't the time.

Jacob takes my chin in between his thumb and index finger, tilts it to look up at him. Next thing I know he's kissing me. At first, I think it's just going to be a friendly, sibling-to-sibling peck on the lips but his mouth lingers. Even with my lack of experience I can tell the kiss isn't demanding, only curious.

I'm frozen and so lost. What am I supposed to do? My hands fall into my lap hopelessly.

I mean, Jacob is my foster brother. Do I love him in anyway besides a sibling? I'm not sure. Does he feel that way for me? I guess so because, even though I'm not exactly human, I'm pretty sure that a human wouldn't kiss a sibling like this, blood relation or no blood relation.

I pull away and bite my lip. "Um, I've got to go." I dash up the stairs and hide in my room, not wanting to see him.

I gasp for breath. _What just happened?_

*****

I don't come out of my room all evening. I feel like such a coward. Mom almost comes in to check on me. I hear her shuffling across the carpet in her house shoes.

"I wouldn't," I hear Solomon say quietly. I picture him resting a hand on her shoulder. "She probably just needs some time alone. It's been a long day."

_They have no idea._

I lay on my bed, on my back, staring unseeingly at the plain white ceiling. I'm fighting internally with myself.

I can't love Jacob like that. Wouldn't it be illegal or something? Maybe but I have no idea. Plus, I wouldn't even be able to have a normal, human relationship with him. Family relationships were easy. With those it's easier to keep your distance and your secrets and there is rarely a lot of close physical contact. In boyfriend/girlfriend relationships there was all the talking and the kissing and the hugging and the…

_No!_ I push the thought away. I'm not going to think about that.

Maybe I should go talk to him, before this drives me insane. I make my way to the door and pause with my hand on the doorknob. Maybe this isn't the best idea.

I lay my forehead on the smooth wood of the door. If I don't address this, it'll kill me for however long Jacob will be gone. And what if he doesn't come back?

My mind's made up. I gather up my courage in one deep breath, venturing out in the hallway. It's late but I can hear Josh, Solomon, and Dad yelling at the T.V., probably football. Mom's voice is weaved into their voices but she isn't addressing them. I suspect she's on the phone.

I tiptoe across the plush carpet, past the bathroom, past Solomon's room, to Josh and Jacob's room. The door is ajar. I peek inside and see him lying on his stomach on the pillow before him. His side of the room is so barren; a lot of his belongings are packed into boxes that are shoved against the wall.

He jumps when I enter the room. He flips around so he's sitting up, back pressed against the wall, and tosses the book onto Josh's bed.

"Oh, it's you," he says, face flushing slightly.

"Yeah…" I linger in the threshold.

"So, what's up?" he asks but I know that he's aware of what I'm about to say.

"I wanted to talk about, um, earlier."

"Oh, that." He rakes a hand through his glossy, black hair. His eyes seem anywhere but me. "You must think I'm such a freak."

I sit down next to him on the fluffy mattress. "I do not; I just want to know why."

"I-I feel something when I'm with you. I just…couldn't control myself. It's hard to explain."

I nod. "Hmmm," I say plainly, deciding to think that through later.

"So, did you, you know, feel anything?"

"I don't know. I was too surprised to think."

"I'm more than sorry. That won't happen again. I can control myself."

I chuckle, not necessarily finding it funny but wanting him to feel better. "It's alright."

We hug for a moment. I rest my head on his shoulder. I can feel his heart thudding.

My own heart speeds up.

My throat feels dry, like I'm thirsty.

I know what's coming.

"I have to go. Goodnight," I say hurriedly. I keep my mouth partly closed to hide the dagger-like teeth that had retracted in my mouth.

"…Okay. Night," he says.

And I run away from him for the second time that night.

**Reviews=love! And get ready for the next chapter, it's gonna be intense!**


	2. Self Control

**NOTE: This chapter can be a tiny bit graphic, just to warn you. But I guess that's why it's rated M haha. It's not that bad, though. I personally think it isn't but I just wanted to be safe. Enjoy!**

_We march in perfect synchronization, sweating bullets in the desert heat. The intense sun is making the horizon look shimmery, mirage-like. My feet sink into the sand, making every step labored. I adjust my grip on the large gun I'm carrying in my hand. My back aches from the heavy pack slung on my shoulders. My stomach is relentlessly doing flips. This is the moment we've been training for. _

_ There's a village up ahead. It's a pretty good size, full of stone buildings. It's in the middle of nowhere, though. I wonder if citizens still live there or if they've been evacuated already. Most likely, they've left and all that is left are the soldiers using it for a base. _

_ We move forward. Directions are screamed by our commanders. I hear many clicking sounds as hundred of guns are loaded. My eyes squint in the blazing sun, trying to spot anyone in the village. It doesn't matter if we are; we're ready for anything. _

_ I spot a flicker of brown uniform in one of the shadowy windows of a building. My mouth opens to warn the rest of the troops. There's a load explosion. A man in the front drops to his knees, lets out a blood-curdling scream, flops into the sand. He's bleeding from the head. Dead. I should have spoken quicker. _

_ I can see the pain flash in everyone's eyes. They manage to stay professional and press onward, but at a quicker pace now. _

_ This battle we are about to fight is going to be very difficult; I can see it already. But it's okay. We've got the skill and organization to take down this base. _

_ As soon as we're about fifty feet, a few soldiers fire at the man still skulking in the window, searching for his next shot. They're out of command. Generals curse loudly at them. More soldiers run ahead. I recognize them as friends of the fallen man. One word plays in my mind._

Revenge.

_ Half the troop has broken away. Things turn to chaos._

What the heck? Might as well_, I think. I stumble ahead, following the rest of the group. _

_ My senses are hyperactive, listening and watching for snipers. I flinch every time a gun goes off. The sounds echo in the narrow alleys. It feels good to finally be running on concrete. When we were marching here, we didn't want to attract attention so we didn't take the road. It's easier to move faster now._

_ I spot a brown uniform in my peripherals. I glance up. Sure enough, there's a man on the roof of the building next to me. He's surveying the area. _

_ Since I haven't been noticed yet, I decide to get him. I crouch low and attempt to steady my gun. My hands are shaking a little. I've got one chance. If I miss, then he's got time to fire at me. I load and fire. He grunts loudly and tumbles off the balcony. He seems to fall in slow motion. He lands on the ground before me with a nauseating thud. I try not to think of what I'd just done and move on._

_ Down a little further, I spot another man in a different building. He's leaning out an open window and looking into a scope. Before I can react, he's got his gun trained on me. I move to grab my weapon. The world explodes. My instincts kick in and, without thinking, I make the craven decision to run. _

At least I'll live through this_, I tell myself, _even if it is cowardly_. _

_ I'm probably twenty yards away. I'm safe. I peek behind me, making sure no one is following me. Next thing I know I'm plummeting head first into the black top. _

_ I sigh at my stupidity. I brush off my knees, noticing that there's red smeared on the fabric. I glance down at my hands. They are stained with the same red color. _

_ Blood. _

_ I look down at my feet…_

_ And stare into the eyes of the corpse I've tripped over. _

_ "Oh, God," I cry and watch my fingers tremble violently. _

_ My throat goes dry. I try to swallow the impulse but my hands rise to my nose anyway. I inhale deeply and marvel at the sweet scent. _

_ "No, no, no, no," I chant, shoving my hands into my lap. I gnaw on my lip and try to push the thoughts away. "Not now."_

_ Almost as soon as I put my hands down, they flash back up to my mouth. I lick my thumb experimentally. A warmth spreads over my tongue. _

_ Suddenly, I feel disconnected from my body, as if I'm watching myself from a perch a few feet away. I watch the body hunched over the dead man curiously. He looks exactly like me: muscular, strong jaw, chocolate eyes, and short, glossy, black hair. _

_ But it's not me. _

_ The eyes, which are usually soft, are beady. They are the eyes of an animal. _

_ The body no longer belongs to me, at least not at this moment. It attacks the body with skill, like it's been holding this back for years, like it's been hunting it's whole life. _

_ Which I know for a fact it hasn't. It's been living off of man-made stuff since it had become this monster when it was in seventh grade. _

_ Once there's no more blood left, I feel more like myself. But now I'm rejuvenated, more alive. My vision and hearing are sharper. I like this feeling but I still have to turn away from the body. I'm still disoriented. _

_ I still can't believe that _I_ did that. _

_ I hear a sound coming in my direction. Footsteps. Jogging. Two people. I instantly become excited. I drag my tongue across a dagger-like fang. It slices a thin line and I suck on the wound as I squat, listening intently. _

_ As soon as they come into view, I lunge forward. Or, rather, the man who only looks like me lunges forward. I'm watching from a distance again. _

_ It kicks the tallest man in the chest with incredible strength. He falls to the ground; pain, fear, and surprise playing on his face all at once. _

_ It then whirls around and takes the second man's head in between his long fingers. He shoves his neck to the side with unbelievable ease. There's a sickening crunch and I spy a piece of pearly white bone peeking out of his skin. Blood trickles from it. He flops uselessly to the ground, dead instantly. _

_ The first man reaches for its leg but its too fast. Its other leg kicks out and connects with his nose. Blood pours out of his nostrils. He tries to ignore his injury and lashes out again. His actions are futile. All he grabs is air. _

_ The man who looks like me leans down with lightning speed and digs his fangs deep into his neck. Once it's finished him off, he tosses the carcass aside like a ragdoll and moves onto the next one. Deep, maroon blood splattered the concrete. _

_ It takes me a moment to come off my high and finally reconnected with my body. I feel amazing, though, as long as I don't look at the three dead men surrounding me. _

_ But we already know how bad I am self control. _

_ I look at the first man, the one I'd stumbled over. His curly beard and uniform are covered in dirt and peppered with red splotches. Then I look at see the other men, eyes wide open, looking at the heavens, lips parted. _

_ Their uniforms match mine. _

_ "No," I say mutely. _

_ I've killed two of my own man. Images of prison flash in my mind. I picture my family's faces when the news reaches them. And Kirra…_

_ "No," I repeat, scrambling t my feet. Only one thought seems logical now. _

_ I snatch the gun that had landed on the ground during the brawls and run, faster than I ever have before. I pass other soldiers who watch me inquiringly. They don't know yet but when they do, they'll hate me._

_ They'll hunt me down._

_ I gulp air and continue into the desert. I have no idea where I'm going. For a moment I'm glad for the extra energy the blood had given me. Then I remember that that's what caused this._

_ "Why?" I cry up at the sky._

"WHY?" I'm screaming.

My legs hurt as if I've actually been running. My sheets are doused in sweat and a thin sheen covers my forehead. I'm afraid to close my eyes again. I know what would happen if I did. I'd have a dream of just running in the desert, running for hours. Then I'd dream of a cramped cargo boat. Then I'd dream of hiding in the woods. It's been happening every night, a new one added to the chain each day. And each one is filled with such dread that it always gives me a stomach ache.

"Jacob." His name rolls of my tongue. Of course these nightmares are about him. Who else could they be about? I mean, he even thinks about me in them.

Part of me feels that this is all too real. What if they're some kind of vision? But if they're a vision, that means Jacob is a vampire… It's impossible. How could he hide that from me?

But I've been hiding it all this time, so maybe it is possible.

Do vampires have visions?

I take a deep breath. I know what I have to do to find out. I reluctantly crawl out of bed and dig through my cluttered closet. I take the leather bound journal out of a small cardboard box and return to the mattress.

My biological apparently wrote a journal for me, explaining everything there was to know about vampires. My first foster family gave it to me. I'd never bothered to even open it. I refused to read the thoughts of the mother who'd abandoned me.

But it might be able to tell me if these dreams are real, why I'm having them, and if I should be worried about Jacob in Iraq.

I flip open the cover, smooth out the page, and begin my search for the answers.


	3. No Way to Win

I gaze unseeingly down at the letters, carefully curving their way across the page. I clutch the journal tightly like I'll rip it in half any second.

My biological mother wrote this.

No matter how much I hate her and my father for abandoning me, I still wish I had known them. Maybe I would've lived a more normal life if they had stayed with me. Maybe I'd be able to control and hide my secret better. Maybe I'd know more about it. Maybe I wouldn't have thought I was a monster when I first found out that I needed blood to live. Maybe I'd actually know what love is.

But it's too late for that.

Somehow my social worker had got a hold of this journal. I'd never had any desire to read it though. But I have to now, it might contain something useful. I pray it does.

There's a letter written on a piece of scratch paper taped onto the inside front cover.

_Dear Kirra, _

_ I know you probably hate me but I really hope you put that aside and read this. It sure would've made my life easier if I had had something like this to guide me along. I've written down all you need to know about what you are. Well at least, all that I know. _

_ I sincerely hope it helps you. Even though you probably don't think so, I love you. Your father does too. _

_ P.S. Please know that we have our reasons for what we did. _

She didn't sign her name at the end. My heart sink. Now I know for sure that I'll never find her. Maybe if she had given a name, I could have found her in the phone book or something.

_All these 'maybes' aren't going to get me anywhere_, I tell myself.

Before continuing on, I close my eyes. I just want to picture her. I've never tried imagining her before. In my head, I see a tall woman with full lips. She's very thin with chocolate hair tumbling down her back. Her eyes are so blue; it looks like bits of the sky are flecked in them.

I can't see what my father looks like though. He's faceless, just standing next to the beautiful woman who is supposed to be my mother.

I sigh. They disappear when I open my eyes. My chance at a normal life disintegrates before my eyes. I take a shaky breath and continue on.

_First of all, you need blood to live but you probably knew that already. The sight of blood, the smell, and sometimes even hearing heartbeats triggers a hormone in our bodies that make us thirst. This is when your fangs retract. _

_ When your fangs are retracted, your senses are sharper. It also, to put it bluntly, makes you want to have…sex. Wow, this is awkward. Well, since I wasn't around to give you the 'sex talk' I guess this is close enough. I deserve it. _

_ But seriously, I'm not kidding. It really does make you want to do that. Unless you kill your 'prey' before you get to that stage. Then you won't want to. That would be disgusting if you did. _

_ Yes, it is possible to kill, though. You have to be careful how fast and how much you drink, if you're not planning on killing anyone. _

I know all this stuff already! I've learned this on my own over the past couple of years. I skip ahead, only giving each page a cursory glance. But then a word catches my eye. I flip back a page and begin to read that section.

_You know how human teenagers go through puberty? Where their bodies become ready for bearing children and such? Well, the same happens to vampires too but it's a little different. It doesn't necessarily happen in your teens. You could be ten when it happens or you could be fifty. It all depends on when you find your soul mate. _

_ "Soul mate" is the only word I've found that describes it, although, I don't really like it. Vampires have one person out there that connects with them. This person is always another vampire. No exceptions. Humans and vampires cannot have that deep of a connection. Sure, they can have one but it's not the same. _

_ Being with your soul mate allows you to become a mature vampire, an adult if you will. Your senses will become even sharper than they are and your abilities increase._

_ You're most likely wondering how you find this person. You don't. You merely stumble upon them someday. _

_ Now you're probably wondering how you know whether or not you've found them. Trust me. You'll know. When I first met your father I wasn't sure but then, after a while, I just knew he was the one. It's almost impossible to put into words. The love you feel is just amazing. _

_ The connection between two soul mates is immense. Some vampires have been able to speak with their soul mates telepathically, or have visions about them, or know their presence before they even walk into the room. _

_ But, this is important, you can have the connections with them right when you meet them but your senses do not become sharper until you feed from them. _

I toss the book haphazardly and flop back onto the mattress. It creaks under my weight. There's more but I'm not in the mood to read it.

"Oh my, god," I say. Is this the answer I've been looking for?

If these dreams are visions and they are real, that means Jacob is a vampire.

And he's my soul mate.

Maybe that's why he kissed me, to see if we're soul mates. But then he would've had to have known my secret.

Does he even know about this soul mate stuff? Does he know the only reason he loves me is because we share some bond, deeper than any human can even comprehend? Wait; is this soul mate business really about love or just physical bonding?

Or could it be both?

The journal probably has the answer but I'm not touching it anymore today. It's now crumpled pages call to me from their pile on the floor. I ignore it.

So, I'm going to assume the dreams are real. It seems probable. That means Jacob's in big trouble.

That means he murdered someone.

Tears spring to my eyes but I furiously brush them away. I'll deal with that part when the time comes. First priority: finding him.

I launch out of bed without even thinking and find the largest backpack I have. I shove a pair of shorts, a slightly heavy coat, a t-shirt, underwear, bra, the smallest amount of clothes I can take. I'll get some of Jacob's things later. Josh is in the room now, still sleeping. I'll wear anything I can't fit into the bag. I still need room for food and other things. I toss a flashlight into the front pocket.

I peer onto the top shelf of my bookcase and stand on my tiptoes to fish out the small, silver box. I take the wad of money out and put it with the flashlight. There's probably six hundred dollars there. I hope it's enough.

I pause momentarily, actually thinking now. I need to plan this out.

I can take a plane as far as possible and then search for him on foot. But where do I fly to?

I close my eyes, planting Jacob's face firmly in my mind. I try to remember the last dream in the chain. Maybe it gave a clue to where he is.

I feel myself being sucked in before I can stop it. My arms reach flaccidly for the shelf to steady myself. I miss and fall to the floor. The carpet scratches and burns my cheek.

_ The morning sun peeks through the tree tops. The buttery light shines in my eyes, pulling me from my restless sleep. I raise my head and survey the area. It's quiet. The animals scurry around. _

_ I climb out of the bush I had fallen asleep in. I pick leaves and twigs out of my hair and dust off my tattered uniform. I stretch out, marveling at the popping of my joints. _

_ Then the memories flood back. _

_ Murderer. Fugitive. Coward. Vampire. _

_ I sigh heavily and shove the hair out of my eyes. It's grown out some since I ran away. My stomach feels hollow. The feeling is incessant. I've felt guilty before, but never of this magnitude. I feel like I could turn myself in any day. _

_ But I can't. Not yet. I have to go to my family, to explain, to apologize, to say goodbye. _

_ I wonder if my parents, brothers, and Kirra have heard yet. I hang my head solemnly. _

_ Kirra…does she still hate me? Does she still think I'm a freak? Does she-?_

_ Just then a voice sounds in my head. It's muffled, in the back of my mind. I strain to hear it. It speaks calmly. _

_ "Where are you?" It sounds familiar. _

_ "I-uh-," I say out loud, not sure why. That was a good question. Where am I? I wrack my brain. "I'm pretty sure I'm in Maine but I'm on my way south to Georgia…"_

_ "Stay there, only leave that are if you absolutely have to. I'm coming," it says. _

_ "Wait, who are you?" But there's no response. I'm alone in my head. _

_ Did I just imagine that? I'm not sure. Maybe this guilt and solitude is driving me insane…_

I pull myself out of the vision, or whatever it was. My forehead is drenched in sweat. For a moment, I let a giant smile play on my lips. Jacob is okay! But then the smile fades; he might not be for much longer.

I boot up my laptop and search for flights with lightning speed. I click on one. Tomorrow morning at an ungodly hour. Perfect. I click "purchase tickets".

It's all set. I'll leave tomorrow.

I'm abnormally quiet all day, thinking through what food to pack, how to tell them I'm leaving… My family notices my silence.

"You okay?" Solomon asks, bumping his hip to mine. We both have our arms elbow deep in the bubble-filled sink as we wash dishes from dinner.

"Just fine." I fake a smile and flick some bubbles at his face to add to my façade.

He looks relieved. "That's good." He scoops up the suds and puts them around his mouth like a mustache. Then he puts some on my chin. We both crack up but my laugh doesn't sound right to me.

Later that night, while we're all gathered around the television and everyone is chatting about the show. I stare into space. I notice josh is watching me worriedly and I make a point to not make eye contact.

When everyone breaks away to go to bed, I make sure to hug them all and tell them I love them. They look a little confused since I hardly ever say that but they smile warmly and tell me they love me too.

I have to tell them because in the morning, I'm leaving to go search for the son and brother that is most likely a vampire, who I most likely love, who most likely killed two American soldiers.

And they have no idea.

By helping him I could go to prison. By not helping him he could die out in the woods somewhere.

There's no way to win.


	4. Journey

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but now school's out for the summer (officially today!) so hopefully I start updating more. This chapter isn't as exciting as others but at least it's an update. Well, happy summer and enjoy! **

My alarm rings much too early. It's still dark outside. The dead silence of the house greets me. I'm tempted to roll back over and sleep some more. My bed feels so soft and warm.

But I have to get ready for my flight.

I slam my hand on the snooze button, flip off the switch, and flick on the lamp. The light blinds me and makes my eyes water.

I untangle myself from my blue and green polka dot comforter. I approach my closet with bleary eyes and a heavy heart.

This is going to be the last time I'll be in this room, I realize, at least for a few months. This makes me wonder how long I'll really be gone.

I set my flat iron on my dark wood dresser and let it heat up as I shuffle into the bathroom. I can hear Solomon snoring lightly his room next door. I pluck my toothbrush out of the blue jar and then grab a new one out of the cabinet for Jacob, since he took his other one when he was shipped six months ago. I get a travel size bottle of toothpaste before returning to my room.

I pack the brushes and being to get dressed in jeans, a white tank top, a black long sleeve shirt, and a light jacket even though it's fairly warm outside. Wearing extra clothes will save room in my bag.

I move toward my dresser again and pick up the now burning flat iron. I run it through my hair relentlessly until the blue-black tangles are straight and soft. Then I circle my eyes with black eyeliner and cover my eye lids with sea blue eye shadow. I won't get to pamper myself like this for a while so I take my time.

"Crap," I say under my breath. I forgot to get clothes for Jacob and Josh is still sleeping in their room.

I plunk my makeup back in its basket. I reluctantly tip toe back into the hall and stand in front of the white wood door. I suck in my breath. I can't make a sound. I can't wake up Josh. How would I explain why I'm taking Jacob's clothes?

I twist the knob slowly so it doesn't click and cautiously step inside the room. I don't think I've been inside since the night before Jacob left. It looks the same but a bit lonelier with one of its beds empty.

The ceiling fan whirs overhead, hitting me with a pleasant, cool breeze. Josh is lying on his back, jaw wide open. His arms and legs are sprawled out and he's in only his boxers. I can't help but giggle to myself. He looks so comical. I hope he's as out of it as he looks.

I step carefully over the clothes strewn on the floor and go to the dresser, where Jacob's extra things are kept. I kneel down. The drawer creeks as I pull it open. I freeze, muscles tense, but there's no sound from josh behind me. A shaky breath escapes my lips.

I scoop out the contents of the drawer. I don't want to be here any longer than necessary. Arms overflowing, I shut the drawer with my shin and scamper to the door.

"What are you doing?" I hear a groggy voice ask.

I come to a halt. My mind and heart are both racing.

"Kirra?" Josh asks. I peek over my shoulder and see his silhouette in the gloom.

I calm myself. "I'm just borrowing one of Jake's sweaters. I'm kind of cold."

Fortunately, he's too tired to completely comprehend. "Mhm," he mumbles and falls back on the mattress. "Goodnight," he says into his pillow.

Well it isn't technically night, even though it's dark enough to pass as night. I tell him goodnight too anyway as I close the door.

Once back in my room, I dump Jacob's stuff on my bed. I can't help but hug one of his jackets to my chest. It might just be my imagination but it still smells like him…

I miss him so much it hurts. I want my foster brother back.

I've been wondering whether to still refer to him as that. The whole possible vampire soul mate thing really flips things around and I'm getting really dizzy.

Hopefully I don't fall over.

Over the past months I've been fighting with my feelings. I love him, right? But do I love him like that? For so long I only saw him as my brother and now seeing him in a new light has left me blinded. Maybe I should just see what happens when I talk to Jacob face-to-face. If I ever do.

The sad thing is is that I keep getting my hopes up. I keep thinking all I have to do is get on the plane, go to Maine, meet up with him, talk this over, and then bring him home and everything will be fine.

But no. I have no idea where he is. I'm going to have to search. It could take days, months, years. I could live with this confusion forever, it seems.

And then there's the fact that he's a criminal now. They might not be looking for him now but by the time I reach him they surely will. They'll take him to prison.

Nothing will ever be fine now.

I sigh heavily and fold up the jacket. I grab a pair of his jeans, a shirt, some boxers, socksm and a pair of basketball shorts. There's an extra pair of his shoes downstairs that I'll pack too.

I shove the clothes into the bag, smashing it down as much as possible so I have enough space. I still need to bring emergency food.

Before leaving my room for the last time, I give it one more longing look. Then I grab my turned off cell phone, not that I'll use it or have signal. But there might be an emergency so might as well. I take my mom's journal too and close the door behind me.

I soundlessly descend the stairs, leaving my slumbering family behind. I drop my bag next to the door and Jacob's shoes. I dig some crackers and water out of the pantry. This is pretty much the last thing I have room for. I zip the finally packed bag.

An idea pops into my head. I should leave a note. I fish out some paper and a pen from the drawer. I tap the pen on my lip, thinking of how to word this in the least alarming way.

_Jacob's in trouble. I can't really explain how I know but I do. I have to go fin d him. _

_ I'm sorry if my disappearance scared you or anything._

_ There's not much else I can say. I'm sorry. I'll try my best to keep in touch but I can't make any promises. _

_ Some police may come to the house soon…_

_ I'm going to try to fix this, even though it's not really in my power. _

_ Stay safe. I love you all. –Kirra _

I tape the note to the fridge and head out the door before I can second guess this plan. Logically, it's stupid and practically suicide but emotionally, it's the right thing to do.

It's humid outside. Dew clings to my shoes, soaking my socks as I trudge through yards to the bus stop. I wish I could just take my mom's car but I can't just leave my mom's car at the airport. So I'm stuck with the bus.

Its already pulling up as the stop comes into my view. I break into a jog, the heavy bag slamming into my back with each step. I bound up the steps, throw some change to the driver and take a seat in the back. The driver smiles at me behind his stubby grey beard. We're the only ones on the bus.

"Where are you headed?" the driver asks.

I try to catch my breath. "Airport."

"Okay, we're probably not going to have too many riders at this time of morning so we'll get you there in a jiffy!"

I nod a thank you and watch out the window as the street lights flash by. I hope Jacob hasn't left Maine or the general area of where he was yesterday. It'd just make my search so much harder.

Maybe I can ask.

I mean, I did it yesterday, I can do it today. Now how did I do it…?

I picture Jacob in my mind again. I can almost see his short, slick black hair, thin lips, brown eyes. He's smiling at me. I open my eyes with a sigh.

Suddenly my head crashes against the window. The bus driver glances up briefly but dismisses it, thinking I'm only sleeping.

I can still hear the sounds of the bus but I also hear birds chirping. I'm in a forest, surrounded by tall trees and darkness. I'm lying in a bush, getting pricked by sticks and leaves.

"Jacob?" I ask but there's no sound yet he hears me. My body's moving. It's like I'm hiding in his head.

"Hello?" he says out loud, sleepily. "Who is it? I don't see anyone…"

"I'm not actually here, I'm…I don't know. I think I'm in your head."

I feel his face crinkle up. "I think I'm going crazy."

"I know how you feel. I'll explain soon, once I get there."

"Who are you? Are you the same one that was talking to me yesterday?" he asks, sounding kind of afraid.

"Yeah it is…" I begin.

"Well who are you?" he demands.

I'm hesitant to tell him. He would ask too many questions that I can't answer until I see him in person. It would take much too long. "Like I said, I'll explain once I get there. Just do what I said yesterday and stay there."

He sighs. "Fine."

I hear the bus breaks squeak. "I have to go. I'll try to keep in touch and I'll try to get to you as fast as possible."

His head nods. I wish I could actually see him instead of just being in his head.

I pull myself out of the vision and slowly open my eyes back to the bus in the sticky air. I feel better, knowing how to talk to him now and knowing he's okay.

I glance towards the front window and see the airport looming ahead.

My journey begins now.


End file.
